I'm not insane, I swear!

Use Your Illusion

"Have you ever felt the emptiness? The feeling of nothing in your life?
Where everything just passes you by and never gives a second thought of turning around and looking at you? That feeling . . . where you don't feel you belong anywhere on this planet except in an unmarked grave where no one will miss you?
This void has haunted me for so long, shadowed my life, shackled me to the darkness and the endless silence of my soul. Fighting is pointless. Screaming for help is useless. In the end, all I have is myself; this broken down transport for a body, and a soul that has been tormented and belittled by almost anything life throws down upon me, and the heart made of an endless darkness.
I have never seen light, never felt warmth, never touched freedom, never embraced happiness.
And yet I still walk this earth, this satellite that floats aimlessly in its own endless void of lifeless darkness. I still torture myself, darkness and emptiness riding on my shoulders. I carry life; i dont walk with it. It will not allow me to stand with it on its own ground. I must carry it through the endless valley of sadness, illuminated by nothing but a darkened sun.
And then the only thing I can say is - whats the ******* point anymore?
Everywhere in the world, storms destroy houses, floods kill hundreds, blizzards trap thousands, wars kill millions. And yet, I live in a land where opportunity is ripe, free from most of the above, but all I can see is the shadowy figure of myself staring back at me. The scars on my eyes, the holes in my soul, the black hole swallowing my heart.

I pray, but for all the wrong reasons. I pray for trucks to hit me when crossing the street, pray for fire to destroy my flesh, pray for strength to finally destroy my soul.
I hate you. I hate you so much. I fight and fight, but all you do is dance around and dodge my attacks.
These pills we have to swallow, these endless doctors sessions we must attend, the ceaseless badgering of family and friends asking me am I alright.
If god was merciful, he should have ended my life long ago. My life is wasted here. Others that died in disasters have more right to be here than what I do.
Why have I been spared? Why? Is this torture meant to prove something to me? Meant to teach me a lesson? Is it a punishment?
I just want to find that one person . . . that single perfect person. Maybe they will know the answer. Maybe they will answer my prayers for salvation. Maybe . . . maybe they will let me cry.
I'm nothing more than a pathetic child trapped behind the blood and flesh of a man. I want to feel. I want to feel something . . . . anything. The world wants men that follow trends, that drink and dance, that drives fast cars, that earn millions and accept the world as it is. And yet, I am none of those.
I am what I am, and the world doesn't want me. Man look the other way. Women look down on me and taunt me for being a weak. I feel humanity has discarded me, and now I'm just resting on the junk pile, waiting for my turn to leave this life. Forever.
I just want to know what its like to hold someone. To know someone cares about me. To know that I am not alone. To see past the scars and torn soul, and see that I am not weird, or crazy, or an idiot.
To see that I am human.
But still I pray . . .
Maybe one day, I will be strong enough to release myself from this body and return to the universe. Maybe then I will belong."

New Regrets

I hope to hell that you’ve thought about what you’ve done
Because every war you fought was only for your ego and your pride

What if I told you to read between the lies

And I was never really by your side

You were never real and
I will never follow you

Give up, give in, because you know you'll never
Become something just the same as ever

Every turn you take is mine
With the fear of never making it alive

We will sing up, we will shout it loud!
We can, be strong, when it all comes down

Is this worth fighting for

This time its up to you

Time is up for me

Cause I've been biting my tongue for far too long

When you're running out of times when everyone you see is blind

Take your hopes that you still dream about inside.

I know that I'm too blame
Burst into flames 

And you'll scream my name up to the sky
as you watch the tide come wash away the night,

Ashes fill my lungs, can't you taste them on your tongue.
Watch the light wash away.
I'll be holding on

I hate you more and more each day
As my heart grows angry by the hour
My circumstances look so gray

I'm the deepest cut
I'm the deepest wound
I'm the deepest lie you ever told

"You know the best ways to bring the worst outta me."

Hush Baby, Speak Softly...

... tell me you're awfully sorry.

How awful it feels, getting your heart broken by someone you weren't even in a relationship with.



"An excellent job with a dubious undertaking, which is like saying it would be great if it wasn't awful." 

Sorry I'm not perfect...

I've told you things I now regret but unfortunately I can't erase.
I've done things that hurt you, said words that wounded you, but don't expect me to take all that back. Because I won't.

I'm a freak baby, I can't help it. I never really expected you to leave, just don't expect me to go after you and ask you to come back. Because I won't.

I never expected you to say "I Love You" either...

Welcome to my world, I'm a dysfunctional bitch.

Why do I even care?!

Não faço a mínima ideio do que estou aqui a fazer... ou porque me dou a tanto trabalho! 

Realmente, irritas-me de tal forma que me levas a fazer coisas que não quero.

Como fazer posts ridículos às 2:40h da manhã, no meio de uma conversa sobre stalkers.

Odeio-te!

On Vacation

Closed for Vacations

I do not wish to come back though